How working with a divorce coach can empower you to divorce with dignity and confidence – using the ‘7 Cs’

Going through a divorce isn’t just a legal process. It is often the emotional journey that can complicate the legal process – making it long, difficult, acrimonious, expensive, and traumatic for you and your children.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Imagine you could navigate your divorce with dignity and confidence and emerge feeling proud of your behaviour and actions. Imagine knowing you always did your best. Imagine having a clear blueprint for your life post-divorce.

All this is possible.

My role as your coach is to walk alongside you, empowering you to navigate the divorce process (and beyond) with confidence and dignity. I form part of your Divorce Support Team, together with your legal advisers and financial planner, to ensure you have the right support at the right time from the right people.

7 Cs to a dignified divorce

Connect
Connect with yourself. Shift your focus from your ex, and onto yourself. In the early days, this might mean taking each day in tiny chunks and ensuring that you do one thing every day (yes, one thing every day) that shows you that you care about YOU. Be kind to yourself.

Calm
Perhaps you feel overwhelmed and fearful. I share strategies to bring calm even in the eye of the storm. Practice breathing deeply and slowly when you feel panicky, to increase oxygen to your brain, slow your heart rate and calm your stress response. Your breath is a wonderful resource – it’s free and it’s always with you. Stop and breathe, so that you can think and respond.

Control
Know what you can and can’t control – and control the controllable. You can control your own part – your own words, actions, feelings, reactions, and behaviours. You can’t control your ex’s. Stay in your zone of power and ask yourself “is this within my control?”, and then “what could I do differently?”. Whilst you can’t control their words, actions, and behaviour, you CAN control your responses. Focus on what you CAN do, and keep taking little steps forward, one at a time.

Clarity
We humans don’t like uncertainty, and divorce is full of it. Uncertainty can lead to fear and overwhelm, which can paralyse you. The antidote to that is clarity – get clear about the things that worry you. Ask for help and advice. Ask questions – knowledge is power. Identify the areas that cause you the most stress and anxiety and find out as much as you can. Even if you don’t like what you find, at least you will know, and you can work with the facts, rather than the “what ifs”.

Choice
You always have choice – even when it seems like you don’t. Every day, you can make small choices that affect how you feel – what to wear, what music to listen to, who you spend time with, what to look at on social media (tip – DON’T check out your ex’s profile). You can make bigger choices too – you can choose not to respond to that provocative email right now while you feel angry, but to sleep on it and respond after 24 hours. You can choose what sort of parent you want to be on your time. Ultimately, when you are ready, you can choose to design your life in the best way for YOU!

Communicate
You can choose too how you communicate, so that you avoid getting stuck in a cycle of conflict and blame, punctuated by “you never”, “you always” statements. Instead, choose to own your feelings and “speak from the I”, to see different perspectives, and to listen actively. Not only will this mean your communication is more effective, it will keep your legal costs down as you’ll be better equipped to take part in negotiation, mediation or round table discussions.

Create
When you are ready, divorce gives you a golden opportunity to create a new life, with your values and what matters to you at the centre. Your next chapter is as yet unwritten, and you hold the pen. After all, it is not what happens to you that makes the difference – it is what you do with what happens to you.

When you work with me as a coach, using the 7 Cs to a dignified divorce, you will be able to focus on yourself and what is within your power, handle your emotions and move forward with confidence, equipped with the tools you need to move beyond your divorce, and into a new future. Those tools will be yours forever, whatever life might throw at you.