How to leave your husband or wife – what you need to know

Before you leave your marriage, here are a few tips:

Consult with a lawyer

Even if your split is amicable, like mine was, consult with a lawyer. Some lawyers will shadow you through mediation and it is always a good starting point to understand the process. For me it was important to gain an understanding of what a fair settlement might look like and any likely sticking points or potential issues. Hopefully you will remain amicable, communication is key to this and it is likely to cost you less in legal fees if this is achievable. Look for a ‘Resolution’ lawyer they are likely to suggest mediation or ‘amicable’ discussions initially. Resolution members, of which I am one as a financial professional, are committed to a code of practice promoting a constructive approach to family issues that considers the needs of the whole family.

Finances

Appoint a financial planner, if you already have one it is quite likely that one of you will need to appoint a new one. This relationship is key as this person will be able to help you to establish your ‘needs’ post-divorce and beyond. Financial planning for divorce is crucial to ensure you have a clear understanding of your financial situation. I recommend working with a financial planner who has expertise in navigating through divorce. By gaining a good handle on your finances this will take away some of the uncertainty and facilitate informed decision making and a platform for negotiation. I often work with women going through divorce to help them navigate through the process and emotional journey. A reward for me is seeing my clients get through the divorce process, out of the other side and begin to build their new life.

Make a list of all assets; yours, his and joint

This can be financial as well as property assets. Don’t forget any pensions.

Housing. Will you be staying in the family home? If not, where will you live? Can you stay with your parents? Friends? Rent your own place? Don’t just pack and leave…know where you are going and what fits your new budget.

Leaving your husband or wife requires a lot of courage and preparation from your end. It did for me. Once you have made proper arrangements for yourself you will know when to leave your marriage.

Legals and insurances

Consider your Will, beneficiaries on policies, health insurance.

You may wish to consider changing your Will, followed by changes in the list of the beneficiaries of your life insurance policies,

Have a look at any health insurance policies and make sure cover remains intact for you and your children.

Children

Children should be taken into consideration while you plan on leaving your marriage. I found this the most difficult part. Seek ways to make your leaving have the least impact on them.

Commit to not using them as weapons against each other should divorce proceedings become acrimonious.

Have a safe word between you both so that when you need to talk about something away from the children you can implement this in order to limit arguments they witness.

Make sure you have all your important documents

Passport, Will, medical records, copies of tax returns, birth and marriage certificates, everything you will need as you set up your new life.

Scan copies to keep electronically so you can consult them even when not at home.

Family & Friends

You will need emotional support and don’t underestimate this. Some people have a divorce coach and if it’s the right person this can be invaluable.

Family & friends can help emotionally but don’t take too much heed from others’ own experiences of a divorce, everyone’s different and no two cases are the same. You also usually find out who your true friends are during a divorce.

In summary, the more prepared you are the better, it will help smooth the way for the future process you will inevitably have to go through. That said, it was one of the most difficult times of my life, especially emotionally. Pain will be felt on both sides and it effects children more so, however much you try for it not to. There is light on the other side and life is too short to stay in a relationship that makes you and your family unhappy.

If I can help, please feel free to get in touch via our contact page, email me here:  louise.oliver@piercefield.co.uk or pick up the phone and call 01242 399344.